Thursday, July 8, 2010


Dear Internet,

When was it decided that smooth = sexy? When was it decided that, in order to be good-looking as defined by pop culture, men and women must undergo ordeals akin to torture, on their own volition? It's madness! Suicidal, even. If you're not careful, suddenly its BAM! Cut, pain, blood. Ow. Not that, of course, razors make a "BAM!" sound, but that was just thrown in there for effect. Although, I think that would be pretty cool, if razors made a "BAM!" sound. Randomly. To keep you on your toes. People these days would be much more alert, and it would give shaving another purpose besides the stupid "I wanna be purrrrrty" reason.

I'd like to point out that back in the day (and by "the day" I mean the times when William Shakespeare was alive and kickin' and writing his many, many theatrical works of art), calling someone "beardless" was a great insult. You were calling him a child, immature and unworthy to make men's decisions: unworthy, in fact, to do anything but grovel for your mommy when you were the least bit offended/scared/unhappy/angry/etc. I doubt that calling a woman "smooth-legged" was equivalent (women, I suppose, couldn't be insulted due to the fact that they were women and unworthy to do anything manly anyways), but the point remains! Calling somebody beardless, in essence, was cutting down his sexuality. Calling somebody beardless was telling him that he was a mere boy, unable to do anything in bed with a woman besides sleep and suck his thumb.

Food for thought.



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